"What Does It Mean to Live in Alignment With Your Values?"
To live in alignment with your values means being conscious and aware of how your daily choices reflect what actually matters to you. It’s a continual practice and commitment of coming back to your self (that core of who you are that knows which values matter to you), especially in those moments where life pulls you off course.
“Your values are reflections of what is most important in your heart: what sort of person you want to be; what is significant and meaningful to you; and what you want to stand for in this life. Your values provide direction for your life, and motivate you to make important changes.”
-Russ Harris, “The Happiness Trap”
Well said, Mr. Harris. Really, all we need to know about what values are can be found in the above quote. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a lot of focus is placed on finding and naming your values. If you’re curious about exploring and naming your values, you can check out the values exercise page here.
Some people find it easy to name their top values. “I’ve always valued honesty. It’s always been a part of my life.” Other’s find it difficult. “I value everything equally! How can I pick between them when I value adventure as well as stability, or solitude as well as connection?” Others may find that they have never been asked to name their values, and so to reflect on them and name them can feel like an arduous process of combing through memories and experiences to notice what values you want to live by.
I have found that reflecting on my values as an integral process to directing my life in a way that feels purposeful and meaningful. When I first reflected on my values, I found that some of the values I thoughtwere important to me were actually values that I had inherited from external sources; from my family, from culture, from media. And before you think I’m suggesting that there is something wrong with inherited values, let me stop you right there; there is absolutely nothing wrong with inheriting values from the external world. We are, undoubtedly, influenced by our environment. However, it can often be the case that we live by a set of values unconsciously, and thus live lives that aren’t truly in alignment with our sense of self.
What do you mean by not living in alignment with our ‘sense of self?’
By sense of self, I mean that sense of being that comes about when you feel like you’re living a conscious, self-directed life. Let’s explore this more by breaking down what Russ Harris said in the quote at the beginning of this article. Values can tell us:
What is Most Important in Your Heart
Do you know what is most important to you? It’s okay if you don’t. Sometimes life strikes us with moments of grief and anxiety, with overwhelm and stress, and we can forget what is important to us. When these difficult moments arise, it’s normal and natural to lose sight of ourselves. But we can always come back to this question—what is most important to me?
What Sort of Person You Want to Be
It is common to find ourselves living a life on autopilot, a life directed by expectations set by others without our conscious participation. Again, this is normal and natural. It happens. Life is demanding. But, let’s not forget that we have the power to shape our minds and our hearts to be aligned with who we want to be.
What is Significant and Meaningful to You
Figuring out our values can be difficult because it may bring about the feeling of potential change and transition. This can be both an exciting and frightening feeling. “If I focus on what is important to me, I might end up alienating others in my life! This is selfish!” This is a valid thoughts to have. Indeed, bringing to light what is meaningful and significant to you might ask you to change your life in ways you hadn’t thought of before. You have to ask yourself if it’s worth your time and energy to focus on these values. But what lies on the other side is perhaps a life that you have chosen to live, saturated with the meaning and purpose that gives you a sense of vitality and aliveness.
What you Want to Stand for in This Life
To stand by your values can sometimes mean saying “no” to others. Said in another way, standing in alignment with your values means actively and consciously saying “yes” to the values you want to keep close to your heart. There will be moments where your values are tested, moments where you compromise yourself and what you stand for. Again, that is natural and normal. That is life, teaching us a lesson to recommit to our values. The ask is not that you are in perfect harmony with your values (perfection is not possible, my friends). The ask is that you commit to your values. As Russ Harris said in his book “The Happiness Trap”:
“Commitment’ means that when you (inevitably) stumble or get off track, you pick yourself up, find your bearings and carry on in the direction you want to go.”
Frequently Asked Questions
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Many people have never been asked to name their values directly, so naming and acknowledging them can be feel challenging. And indeed, it is a challenge, but one that is worthwhile! You can try out this values exercise to help you.
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Life is always challenging us. Some days, we might feel like we are really living a values-based life. Other days, we might feel like we are falling short. No matter! It’s an ongoing practice of noticing when you've drifted and gently recommitting. Expect it to be a process you return to over time, not a single fix.
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It can be that some of the values we’re living by were never fully ours to begin with. We inherited them from family, culture, or societal expectations. By consciously naming our values we might come to a realization that we’ve been living on some sort of ‘auto-pilot’. Shifting into a set of values that differ from the one’s we’ve inherited may feel unfamiliar and difficult. Kind of like what we might feel when we start practicing a new skill.
If you’re interested in exploring your values, feel free to use the values exercise page on my website. If you want to go deeper into leading a values-led life, feel free to connect with me here for a free 20-minute consultation call.
